Croonchy Stars

For the cooking-impaired out there, Swedish Chef once came out with a cereal:

The Chef described this food as "cinnamonnamony" (a favorite flavor, perhaps?!), but it was sadly discontinued a year after its release, in 1989.

Later on, General Mills stole the idea for this cereal and created Cinnamon Toast Crunch, featuring a similar, yet strongly American-looking, chef on the box.

Wikipedia claims Cinnamon Toast Crunch was created in 1984, four years prior to the date Chef's Croonchy Stars were created. However, I'm convinced there was a mixup, probably a patent error, and the Chef was horribly ripped off.

Or Post cereal did some awful marketing. Either way, we still have this commercial to remind us how wonderful Croonchy Stars and their noble creator is....

Questions for the Swedish Chef

Dear Swedish Chef,

Do you know how long the pickles in the large pickle jar at Potbelly have been sitting there? Are they safe to eat? Does Potbelly ever replace them?

With love,

Dana

Some Days I Argue With Verizon Customer Service Reps Using Their Chat Feature

This is the conversation I had with the Verizon chat rep last Monday. I rearranged some bits of the conversation because I type fast and "Janet" types slow, so a lot of her responses were logged wayy after mine. I have not altered anything she said -- the grammar/spelling is what she actually wrote.

I hope in the future, someone teaches these obviously outsourced chat reps what the word "discount" means.

You are now chatting with 'Janet'

Janet: Hello. Thank you for visiting our Verizon chat service. How can I help you set up your new service and save with a Verizon bundle?

you: I just moved to Long Beach from Chicago, where I had AT&T's dry loop service. I'd like something comparable to that.

you: also, do you offer any discounts for already having a Verizon cell phone service? AT&T gave me a discount because I was also a cell phone customer.

Janet: I will be happy to help you with that.

Janet: You will not get any discounts but you can have option of getting one bill.

you: no thanks.

you: and I already have a modem from AT&T, do I need to purchase a new one to have Verizon services?

Janet: You can use Ethernet modems like Westell 515, 516. Or you can use Dual-Link modems like Westell 2110, 2200, 6100.

Janet: Could you please tell me which Internet plans are showing to you?

you: There's the Starter Plan for $19.99 and the $29.99 Power Plan

you: and the Turbo plan

you: do you offer any discounts to new customers?

you: like free shipping, etc.?

Janet: You will only get FREE modem for $39.99 you need to pay $19.99 as activation charge.

you: I see all your fees here, I'm just wondering if you have any discounts available.

you: because it comes out to something like $55 for the first payment.

Janet: Could you please tell me which plan you have selected?

you: the starter plan

Janet: You might have seelcte Router worth $14.99 which is not FREE?

you: yes, that is because I need internet services for more than one computer.

Janet: You have made correct seelction.

you: I know.

you: I am wondering if there are any Verizon discounts available, because AT&T notified me that Verizon has a monopoly on the Long Beach area, which is upsetting to me, since I already own equipment for AT&T services and was receiving a discount.

Janet: You will get 1 month money back guarantee.
you: That's not really a discount.
Janet: You can use our service and if you don't like you can cancel it without paying any penny.

you: I understand what a money-back guarantee is.

Janet: I apologize as I am explaining you.

Janet: Are you able to proceed?

you: I can, yes, but I am thinking about just paying more to stay with AT&T. They can offer me a wireless card that works anywhere.

Janet: I am here to assist you.

you: Yes, but I have asked if there are discounts available and it seems that there are not, based on your responses.

you: I would just like to work with a provider that has a good deal, and that does not seem to be Verizon.

Janet: I apologize for inconvenience held to you.

you: Nevermind, I think I will not purchase from Verizon today.

Janet: Do you have any other questions I can help you with?

(I then closed the chat box, more irritated than ever)

Several days later, having given in, knowing how monopolies work and anti-trust laws don't... I subscribed to their internet services and promptly received three e-mails from Verizon in a row (couldn't they have sent one large e-mail? Or is that too difficult?) about my new subscription.

One of them listed what I was getting:

Dear Valued Verizon Online Member,

Thank you for your order for Verizon High Speed Internet service!

Here is a summary of your High Speed Internet Order

• Number: 1631
• Service Ready Date*: 09-30-2009
• Your Verizon High Speed Internet Plan**: Up to 1M Dry Loop Annual Plan
• Speed at your home will be up to: 1M/384K
• Shipping and Activation Fee: $19.99
• Equipment Ordered: Consumer Quick Start Poster-- $ 0 Consumer DSL CD-- $ 0 Consumer Dry Loop Welcome Letter-- $ 0 $ 14.99 Actiontec-Gateway--- $ 14.99 DSL for Home Resource Guide-- $ 0 DSL for Home Terms of Service-- $ 0 Understanding Your HSI Bill Insert-- $ 0
• Installation Kit Shipping Date: 09-24-2009

Wow, Verizon. Thank YOU so MUCH for not charging me for the

• Consumer Quick Start Poster
• Home Resource Guide
• Understanding your HSI Bill Insert
• Consumer DSL CD
• and Consumer Dry Loop WELCOME LETTER!

I REALLY feel like I am getting a deal here! Free welcome letters? Who does that?! You know what, Verizon, do me a big favor and don't send me any "understanding your bill" inserts or quick start posters. Save a tree, go fuck yourself.

THERE'S MORE!

On the no less than four e-mails I've received from Verizon, each and every one of them have made mention of their WONDERFUL "What's Next?" feature on their website, where, presumably, I'll be able to see what will happen next with installation, billing, etc., and have access to their oh-so-helpful customer service reps.

Not the case.

Because I don't have a home Verizon line, I've been given a data phone line which will be used on my bills and to connect to the internet, and so on. See standard log-in page below:

Awesome! I can even win $1,000!!! Except that it does not work. Ever. A week after I've signed up for services and I still cannot log in. Check this out:

Normally, I don't mind error messages. Because you get them every once in awhile, and the solution is simply to click on the "Sign In Help" button, right?

NOT SO!

This is what comes up when you click on "Sign In Help":

Guess what happens when you try to enter in your billing number* and last name...

THAT'S RIGHT! Screen number TWO again.

You can go on and on for hours like this. In fact, the only thing that differentiates the Help screen from the other ones is that there's no happy cuddling couple looking at... WHAT ARE THEY LOOKING AT? Their chance to win $1,000??? Why do you suck so much already, Verizon????

*I tried both my data line number and my cell phone number. Neither work. Nor does logging in over and over and over again, in hopes the repetition will make the website finally recognize me.

But the Weather's Nice...?

Inevitably, whenever Will & I talk to someone about how much California sucks ass, or how much this whole thing has cost, or whatever, they feel compelled to say something to the effect of... "But the weather's nice!"

And while, yes, the weather may be NICER than Chicago in the WINTER (summers are QUITE LOVELY, and our AUTUMN ISN'T HALF BAD EITHER!), it is goddamn hot here right now, so hot, in fact, that I think I may just pass out and then drown in a pool of my own sweat.

Julie Would Cry, But Julia Would Probably Laugh and Make Lemonade

In what has become yet another wonderful* aspect of moving to California... our blasted oven does. not. work. The stove, quite fortunately, does, but we need to get the maintenance guy to fix the oven, along with:

• The bathtub, which takes an hour to drain after a 15 minute shower
• The smoke detector, which needs batteries I don't own nor plan on purchasing
• The complete and utter inadequacy of the single fan in the kitchen. This can probably not be fixed by the maintenance guy, but still.

If this were Julie from that movie, I bet she would throw a fit and break some pans or something, but, as I am not one to cook or bake,** I don't care that much.

I feel the video below is quite comparable to my cooking capabilities.

*Did you catch the sarcasm there? Good.

**Nevertheless, since learning that the stove does. not. work. I have had the strongest urge to purchase one of those tubes of pre-made cookie dough and make cookies, and I get so utterly Frustrated! to know that I cannot make cookies at all.

The Extent of My Cooking Involves Pouring Dry Food For My Cats

Basil always knows when it is time to eat. There are two feeding times, and they are divided as such:

• When the first person wakes up in the morning.
• Around 6-7 p.m. OR when the first person arrives home in the evening from work

Basil knows that it is in his best interest to be incredibly affectionate when he wants food, so in the morning, he can be seen wandering around the bed, purring, even if we're not even petting him. If we're asleep, he'll settle down on our legs so that he knows the EXACT INSTANT we wake up. If we're awake, he comes running over, purring, and then settles down on the chest of whoever woke up first. He continues on this cuddling routine until someone drags him/herself out of bed and feeds them.

For the rest of the day, Basil will come over sometimes, but he is NEVER as affectionate as when he is hungry. He's manipulative.

Then, at night, he repeats the cuddly purry act. If we've just arrived home, he runs over to the door to greet us and rubs against our legs. If, like right now, it has just become time for feeding, he suddenly wakes up and comes over "just to be cute."

He may or may not be actually hungry. Here's how I know:

Often, I'll come home from work around 6 or so, and he'll be all "feed me! feed me!" in his cute way, and then I walk over to the kitchen and there is still food in the bowl. So I tell him, "I'm not feeding you, since you still have food from this morning."

Lately, though, he's realized that I won't act out feeding him until both bowls are empty, so if I ignore him, he runs over to the food bowls and literally scarfs down whatever is left. He'll even choke, trying to finish that food as fast as possible. Then he runs back, purring, and letting me know that he finished the food from this morning so won't I please feed him?

In Which I Fall to the Ground and Collapse

We have a home. We have a home.

I say this over and over again as if to comfort myself, but I feel uncomfortable still. I feel tired and sick and anxious.

I have been holding myself together for so long that all the tiny little pieces that have broken just want to fall down on the ground and I can't hold on any more. I want to shatter, I want to let myself fall apart, I want to let the pain and panic crumble around me and collapse.

I can't do this anymore, I want to say, but I have done it, and I made it out of the wreckage, and I'm on my way to healing from this disaster but for right now I just want to give up. Now that I'm standing on solid ground I want to be face down upon it and let the rest of the world drift around me. When everything feels sandpaper red and yellow, I want to feel the cooling gray-green fog surround me and soothe me back into a place I can be comforted. It is too much for me to try to stand up now.

It seems like we have just escaped a fire, and now, standing here and looking back, all we can do is feel our burns sting and watch the past turn to ash. We feel bloody and raw, we don't know what to do or how to act so we behave like we're angry, and then we cry because we are not really angry at all, we do not want to be angry, we just want to be but that is so hard right now. We do not know how to return to normalcy, how to do what we came here to do.

It is hard to be okay.

After being burned over and over again, every new hurdle, no matter how small, feels like yet another attack on our well-being. $45 down payment for electricity? Haven't we paid enough to be here? Haven't we sacrificed enough?

I know it will take time. I have prepared a recipe to make everything better:

Ingredients:

• 5 Walks to the beach
• 2 Cats to curl up with
• 1/2 Leftover pizza still cold
• Hugs, daily, from Will
• 1 Housewarming/Birthday party to spend time with friends
• 10 Heartwarming chats with friends and family (add more or less to taste)
• 1 Good book
• 2 Relaxing weekends

Instructions:

Go to bed early if you want to. Laugh at everything. Cry if you feel like it. Blend well. Add a dash of silliness, mix with organizing your stuff in a way that makes the apartment feel like home. Bake for as long as you need to rest. Remove from the oven when serenity starts to form on the crust. Let cool. Sprinkle your favorite music on top and enjoy!

Jojo Called Me!

He is apparently a tattoo artist that printed my phone number on all his business cards before getting rid of his phone number. He was really cool though and apologized for all the wrong numbers and gave us his new number in case we wanted to direct family/friends/clients his way.

Uhh.... no.

And: you're going to be thankful for that.

The Phone Calls Do Not Stop!!!

I just received a call a few minutes ago, and I KNEW it was a wrong number because it had the 888 in front of it and I don't have this phone on my business cards so no one should have it anyway, but in any case I decide I might as well answer it and tell whoever it is that this is a wrong number.

"Hello?" I say.

(Insert LONG PAUSE here. Then add a few seconds.)

Obviously recorded robot voice kicks in: "Hi, this is Helen from Hope Medical Hospital, please contact our Business Department....."

At this point I hang up. And have a little WTF moment.

Seriously? This is HELEN!? I know this is not HELEN, you are a ROBOT, and not just a ROBOT but a RECORDED ROBOT VOICE*.

What has the world come to? Why are these robots calling me and playing their stupid recorded messages and how do I get them to stop?!**

*Actual robots, like the ones at the AT&T help desk, can respond to what you say based on some verbal cues, which makes them no less annoying since you spend the whole time on the phone shouting things like "SERVICES" "CUT OFF INTERNET SERVICES" "NO, YOU'RE WRONG" while it goes, "I'm sorry, I did not understand what you wanted, did you mean, billing?"

**I am on the Do Not Call registry, why do you ask?

*Headdesk*

On Wednesday, Will & I went in to apply for another apartment. The ladies working there were both very nice and more transparent about the process. The other place we were denied at was very very vague with things like:

"That may or may not be an important part of the application."

"We're not really sure what they check for."

"You should find out in 3-5 business days."

"Pets are not allowed in Belmont Properties except for service animals. (Later...) The allowance of pets is dependent on the property manager's preferences. (Later...) Do you own any pets? What kind?"

It's the little things like that where you want to just strangle someone until they tell you exactly why you are likely to be denied so you don't bother to spend any money on the damn credit check, although strangling the clerk may be a good reason to be denied.

Anyhow, Will got a job and we started over at a new place that had a bigger place, closer to the beach, but a bit more expensive. We tell them that we hope to move in this weekend and that the credit check won't take too long, and they assure us that because they handle all the credit checks in-house, it shouldn't take much more than 24 hours and we should know by the next day.

Will calls me today to say that he thinks the number he put down for his work was wrong, so he asks if I can call in and let them know what the right number should be. This is, to me, a HUGE relief because I was looking for an excuse to call them anyway and check where we were with the status of the application and all that.

However, after I ask, nervously, how far we are in the application process, the woman asks,

"When were you hoping to move in?"

"Uhh... this weekend..."

"Oh, that's right, there's a note here that says that..."

"Yeah, we need a place to stay pretty soon."

"Oh okay, well I can get started on that now then."

WHAT!? Get STARTED on an application where I need to know if I have the place or not by this weekend? You're joking, right? Right?

Oh how I hate limbo.

Blognote!!!!!!!

Hello!!!

If you read my blog (I do not know, it seems only Will has commented so far), I would like to let you know that while it may appear that there are only a few postings so far in each month, I have been writing blog posts for nearly every day. HOWEVER I get delayed, as I will explain once I get further along in the "How Did I Get Here?" series.

In terms of life, things have gone from bad to worse to bad again to better to bad. So that's something I'm currently dealing with.

So while I will continue to try to update in current time, you may want to scroll back further because I am slowly filling in the spaces with posts I started writing ages ago. Check it out!

Crisis

You know, one of the things about AmeriCorps is that we're supposed to live like people in poverty. That's why we can't work extra jobs. We have to live on the stipend and budget very closely and hope all balances out in the end.

I don't know if I'm a rare case, or if this happens frequently. But from living with a dangerous, alcohol-addicted ex-con, to moving late one night (with a Marine bodyguard!), to staying with my boss' family, and spending the last bit of free money I have on credit checks in hopes that I will have another place to live this weekend (the rest must go to rent and a deposit)... I am over it.

I don't know why it is so hard for rental places to accept out of state applicants. I don't know why rental applications need to know my checking account number, or the amount of debt I owe. I don't know why they ask for an additional $300 to cover damages by pets... won't the original deposit (which is the same as a first month's rent) be enough? I don't know why I need to make three times the amount of one month's rent in income just to be considered for a place.

Poverty is not new to me. Homelessness is not new to me. Oh sure, if you want to be a dick and only consider street living "homelessness"... well, then I can say I haven't experienced more than a few days of that. But I wrote articles about homelessness, and you don't need to be on the streets. You just need to not have a home.

To live in poverty is to be constantly fighting -- fighting for your rights, to be given adequate care and treatment by police, hospital staff, the government, housing authorities. You have to beg to be taken seriously. Furthermore, if you're only moderately in poverty, people are such assholes that they ask questions like, "If you're so poor, why don't you sell your TV?" as if that will solve the problem. And some days, you just don't want to fight anymore. It's exhausting. The stress accumulates and wears you down to the bone.

I had someone tell me once that if I had enough to donate to others, I must not be in poverty. These things make me want to scream. It is precisely because I have seen the colors of poverty that I am sensitive to it. That I relate to it and wish for it to end. I have seen compassion more from people who have experienced poverty than those who have not. Their compassion may not be in millions of dollars, but they do not raise up their head in power over the person they have helped carry groceries from the store eight blocks away. They do not spend their time emphasizing us and them as a way to feel better about themselves. This is what the middle class does. Those in poverty always feel othered.

Then you end up in bad situations. Places where sexual assaults happen, where alcoholics rage. Where you might not make it out unscathed. If you're in a shelter or on the streets -- your odds of being harmed go up.

I was diagnosed with asthma a month after I started experiencing symptoms. Why didn't I go to the doctor right away? Cost. Always cost. In total, I spent nearly $200 in both doctor visit and meds. $200 more than I had. And now, now that I am in AmeriCorps, I have been told that my meds will be covered but the visit to the doctor to get that prescription will not. Because I have already been diagnosed, my asthma is a "pre-existing condition." Which, for the rest of my life (or until healthcare insurance gets regulated), means that I will never again hold a job in which that preliminary doctor visit, and perhaps even an ER visit or my meds, will ever be covered. And there's nothing I can do about it.

Here is what I have:

• I have a solid middle-class upbringing that allows me to negotiate the world as though I am better off, smarter, and more capable than people in poverty, despite the fact that my bank statements reflect nothing more than that.
• I have a solid grasp of the English language and I do not speak in slang or like a young person, which allows me to present myself as older and more educated.
• I have an education, a college degree, which I can use to prove my status, my intelligence, my ability to learn, and my eagerness to succeed. I do not need to do anything but show this degree to be privileged with what it means.
• I have white skin, which makes others feel positive about who I am, where I came from, and what I can do. I do not face barriers from people who think bad things about those people, whether those people are black, Asian, Latino, or any combination of other.
• I have youth, which means in combination with the other things I have, I will be able to lift myself from poverty into at least the lower middle class with time if all goes right and I do not face substantial life changing problems, such as a disability, or the destruction of my home, or any other things that could go wrong.
• I have hope and persistence and courage, without which I could not navigate this world and still have the ability to hold up my head and demand to be treated with the respect I deserve.

I am lucky in so many ways but sometimes those things don't even feel like enough. This is poverty.

We're Expecting!

I think if I were to get married, just for fun, I would tell my parents I was expecting a child, since they don't seem to believe me when I say I don't want kids.

And then, a few months later, I would call to say we got the baby, and my mom would be OH! SO! EXCITED! (and maybe wonder if it wasn't a bit early?) and then I would send photos of the new kitten we adopted.

Then we would laugh and laugh and laugh, and when we were done joking at my parents' expense, we would take a nap with our new kitty.

The Math of Moving

I am attempting to express myself visually. This pretty much sums it up, right?

Dear Family Members, Friends, and Debt Collectors... *

This is not Jasmine, JoJo, or Joe's phone number anymore. Perhaps she (he?) grew tired of you and changed her number. Maybe her bills have been run up so high that she wearied of the harassing phone calls (which I am now getting). What if she was being stalked by some creep and felt the need to change it to help hide from him? Maybe, just MAYBE, you people call so damn often that she needed a much-deserved break from you all. MAYBE it's your stubborn insistence that it's MY fault or somehow MY problem that she changed her number. Maybe THAT'S why she changed it. You know I appreciate persistence, but there's a LIMIT.

For instance, when someone politely answers the phone and tell you that you have gotten the wrong number, you should apologize and hang up. Then, check the number you dialed and see if it was the one you meant to dial. Perhaps try the number you meant again. If it is, AGAIN, the wrong number, do not get sassy with the person on the other line!! Do not insist that you are that person's aunt, particularly if you are not. Do not keep asking questions about Jasmine, JoJo, or Joe (this person has no idea who that person is, except that this person knows a debt collector is after her). Do not send repeat text messages asking if perhaps, JoJo got her phone number back. Don't keep calling, over and over again, after you've been told repeatedly that this is not Jasmine's phone number anymore.

This is not rocket science. This is like telephone etiquette 101.

Thanks for the birthday wishes though (you're a bit early, it's in October).

Sincerely,

Dana

Dear Jasmine, JoJo, or Joe:

You need to hang around a smarter bunch of people.

-Dana

*Not my family members, friends, or debt collectors. Hers. (His?)

Home

Tonight, Sue* invited us to attend a performance of the Young Americans which was pretty awesome, except they sang "Home" by Michael Buble and I just about started bawling my damn eyes out.

It's been over a month now in California. I've been to a lot of places -- L.A., Anaheim, Santa Ana, Huntington Beach, Long Beach, Irvine, Laguna Beach, a few others -- yet nothing feels right.

When I moved from Michigan to Chicago, I never looked back. Even though those first few weeks were so different, so radically new, I never stopped to wonder if I belonged there. Chicago always felt right in a way that Michigan, and now Orange County/L.A. just don't. Will I ever feel like I belong here? Or will I just keep living here, Will and I trying to follow our dreams despite feeling like foreigners?

On days like this, I wonder if the Swedish Chef struggled so much when he came to London**to perform in the Muppet Show. Maybe he wasn't a chef in Sweden, he was stuck in some dead-end job as a house painter, every day dipping his brush into paint and imagining the day when he'd be sweating in the kitchen surrounded by donuts. But maybe when he moved, excited to finally be a famous cook, the obstacles he faced wore him down. Maybe he got lost around London, met some mean people, or got torn apart by food critics in his local newspaper. Maybe he thought about going back to Sweden (not to be a house painter again of course, but he would find something else, surely!) where the streets were familiar, he knew the lingo, where, when people asked him how he liked it, he wouldn't hesitate and say, "I'm adjusting..."

But the Chef wouldn't be who he is today (a hero!) without his trials and tribulations. Despite how hard it was, he never stopped being who he was and what his dreams were. And you know what, he probably always held a piece of Sweden in his heart for the tough times. So, that's what I'll do too. :)

*Sue is my boss's mother who is letting us stay in her spare bedroom for two weeks while we find a place to live. Note from 10.1.09 - this seems like a charitable act, but she charges us $500 for two weeks and expects us to participate in religious ritualism while we're here. It makes me very uncomfortable.

**Fun Fact: The Muppet Show was filmed in London.

And Now For a Book Review!

I have recently been loaned a copy of the Christian bestseller, The Shack. It has been given rave reviews by many many people. Let me begin by saying, "Holy Swedish Chef, what's up with the hype!?"

First off, The Shack falls in the same category as about 99% of Christian literature. By which I mean: absolute suck writing. 100% predictability, yawn-worthy foreshadowing, stereotypical and racist caricatures of people of other ethnicities, dialogue that makes you think the protagonist is a bit too slow, and a complete avoidance of actually answering the questions worth asking (I say this last bit as an atheist familiar with the cat and mouse game of conversations). Honestly, you just can't get a straight answer.

For Christians, I can see how this book gives one the warm and friendly feeling of being with a God that actually cares and bolsters the idea of nurturing and loving relationships. To which I have to ask, "Have you actually read the Bible?" That loving God persona is great if you want to completely cut out about 80% of what God actually did. A few examples: exterminating most of the human race through a flood, killing 40 children who made fun of a prophet's baldness via bear attack, commanding entire tribes of people to destroy other tribes, leading people in circles around the desert for 40 years, and that doesn't even begin to count the punishments for disobeying the 10 commandments... which, most of them happen to be death.

Oh, but that was the Old Testament, people say. God totes isn't like that anymore! He's fluffy and fun and likes to cuddle!!!

Readers of The Shack experience a collective amnesia about the nature and history of God, which presumably allows for them to fall in love with this book and believe it strengthens their relationships with God. God is loving! God loves all his kids! this book proclaims (multiple times). But... what of hell?

William Young half-assedly tries to deal with this by throwing a similar problem to Mack: If you had to pick two of your kids to save and three to lose, who would you pick?

Mack chooses the "right" answer by saying he would sacrifice himself over his kids. God beams. Loves that answer. Exactly! That's why Jesus sacrificed himself...

BUT WAIT!

Did anyone else have a wtf moment? Uhhh... if YOU ARE GOD YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SEND A CERTAIN NUMBER OF PEOPLE TO HELL. You create the rules. You could, for instance, decide that BECAUSE you love all your children, you're going to send them ALL to heaven!!

Young somewhat addresses this in the vaguest way when he mentions how Muslims, Buddhists, etc. can all find their way to God. (This is the source of great contention with many fundies, since it's sort of a UU thing.) But fortunately, Young is vague enough to not explain this passage, and Mack is slow enough to not pursue that train of thought further. So it could mean that people of other faiths can become Christian and go to heaven, or that all spiritual people go to heaven... it's not really clear. Way to dodge THAT bullet, Young!

The other thing that bugged me was the whole "blame the victim" trope that gets dragged out all the time with religious discussions. It starts with two big pieces of BS: A. God is not Evil. B. Evil is inherently the human's fault for not pursuing a relationship with God.

UM, WTF?

If God is the alpha & omega and all that, God is everything, then God happens to be at least partially evil. There's no way around that little math problem. You can't just be everything and not be evil* too.

Even if we accept that premise (wtf, why would we?!), let's examine the Garden of Eden, in which God decides to be a total ass and plop the tree right in the center and say "Don't eat that." Oh yeah, did I forget, he also made humans inherently flawed? And then freaked out when they fucked up even though he knew it was going to happen? One might even say, planned for it to happen? Since, he is, you know, God. Responsible for everything. Designed the entire world and wrote what would happen to everyone and everything?**

This is where the victim-blaming comes in. Even though God made you imperfect, it's still your fault for being imperfect, therefore you need to beg God's forgiveness and hope he doesn't punish you for being imperfect. (Thanks for that, God.)

Young dances around this idea, talking about the relationships, but never once examining the fact that it may not be anyone's fault that evil exists.

The entire book is like that. I can't see how anyone being intellectually honest can really say it answers a damn thing about faith. I guess you need faith to believe it, ha ha ha!!

*Evil in the Christian sense. I don't particularly believe anything is "evil." Bad shit happens. Some people do bad things. REALLY bad things, sometimes. Does that make him/her inherently, 100% bad? No.

**This little bit of theology always throws me for a loop. How can anyone reconcile this concept of "free will" with predestiny? Takes quite a bit of cognitive dissonance.